these are secrets i dont want to tell you

i want to sing with someone...in front of no one.
i want someone to hold me when i tell them not to.
i asked God for a miracle tonight, ive never done that.
i dont know if He said yes.
i want someone to see past me.
past my hands held up.
and past my threats.
past what society tells them.
past what covenant tells them
i want someone to see past what they think im saying.
hello elevator
do you bring comfort?
or a distant stare?
or an empty ride?
do you bring a miracle?
or a sin?
or do you just pass by...pistons and gears pushing away, doing only what we told you to. scraping by the doors, going up and away from me?
or do you sit with me on this third floor, waiting...still and silent but for the wind echoing in your emptiness.

when is manipulation not manipulation? when is it just a cry out for someone to love me?

hello
i am hurt.
i am broken.
i have run away from what i cannot understand
i know God.
and thats all i know

dont pity me.
dont come to me with warm words.
i wont believe them.
i wont hear them.
i wont hear you.

when is it not manipulation? when am i just coming up to a friend and asking them to love me? if i ask you honestly, if my words to you are: "i need you to love me" i am not hiding anything. if i say something and really mean it, it's not manipulation. if i ask you for something and thats what i want, it's not manipulation.

im tired and i dont want to sleep.