something cliché

do i really have such a high internal moral standard? is this why i cant bring myself to be anything more than cooly polite to guys i know like me and who i know i wont like? is this why i get so angry at others? i cant seem to pretend i dont know information i hold. "just pretend its not true"...but it IS. it is true and i know its true and if i act as if i do not have this knowledge, i fear i will lead the guy on and then hurt him. i fear giving him false hope. i cannot do these things in good conscience. to me, it is deception, it is morally wrong. and therefore, it absolutely kills me when i see someone else do it. do i place such a high personal responsibility on myself that i cannot abide someone who does not assume the responsibility that i feel is theirs?

i dont know. i really dont know much of why ive been so angry lately.

though ive written every part
and i learned each chord by heart
all my singing's only prose
ive forgotten how the music goes.

or maybe its just jealousy. yes, i believe there is a very substantial dose of jealousy in there somewhere.