a melancholy blue

i just realized what a sad person i come across as. im not really that sad. i just like to pretend im sad a lot. i pretend to be sad and i wallow in being the little bit of sad that i am because it's easy. you've got to admit, its a lot easier to be sad than to be happy. many times i just dont feel like expending the energy to be happy...or it just fits my purposes better to be sad. purposes and mood. perhaps it's because ive been depressed for a while. for a long while. im getting better, guys...i really am. i dont lose hope...sometimes i just get a little lost. dont worry too much about me, loves...i enjoy playing the melodramatic victim who has been wronged in life and in love. and im not saying my life isnt pretty shitty at times...it is. i'll be the first to say it. but my hope is not based on what happens here. my hope is based on God. ive got God, and he's all i need. dont worry about me.