i said i didnt want to go. truth is, i didnt want to get up the energy to go. i dont have the energy...or at least the will to pick it up and dust it off.
i said it was too cold outside, when really it's just too cold inside. if it was warmer, i'd have given a different excuse...maybe that i was feeling bad or something. if it was hot i'd have said it was too hot outside, but it would still be too cold on the inside.
i'm tired. but sleep won't help me.
i dont want to be that mother who just checks out. i dont want my kids wondering why mommy doesnt want to play...why mommy just sits there, staring at nothing. i dont want them to think mommy is mad at them. i dont want to hurt them with this.
my mother is coming this weekend. she's worried about me and is coming to "check up on me." i dont want her to, but i can't say that. mom doesnt belong here, and i know i'll feel resentful of her presence. most of the time, people worrying about me just makes me feel like shit. if i can ignore how i feel, sometimes i can forget how i feel.
blah blah blah. woe is me and other shit.
too many unresolved things...feelings...pasts. i dont want to hurt anyone...i really dont. i cant see it and im sorry. i really cant see it. some things still hurt.
i'm hungry. i didnt eat dinner.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment