no, this is not written to you, dear reader...it's written to myself

im so f-cking sick of you! did you know that?? SICK!! why? why do i have to keep going? why do you have to keep shoving your filthy head back up? why cant i just drown you? why cant i just be f-cking rid of you? but nooo...the slightest gesture, intonation of the voice and there you are again. there with all your f-cking loveliness. you cloud my mind and choke my vision. be gone, damn you! f-ck off with all your shitty memories. i hate them and i hate you. i would rip them out of my damned head if i could reach. gouge my f-cking eyes out if i could be rid of you. but no, ingrained so deeply, you just dont give up, do you? you never give the f-ck up. whispers so soft i dont even hear them...but i see them, and i remember them. damn you. damn you to hell. if i could cut this out of myself i would, and dont you dare f-cking judge me for what i fight every day. and i dont really care. but i cant keep myself from uttering those empty words...every damn day. f-ck it. f-ck it all. i just dont care anymore.