as i dance on eggshells...

what is loyalty? i was sitting here in bed and trying to define something. trying very hard. running scenarios through my mind. mock conversations and situations. loyalty of friends is coming into question at this moment of my life and, in questioning the loyalty of others, i naturally begin to question my own. i was formulating a sort of promise thing in my mind...you know, something i say quietly to myself whenever i decide i am friends with someone.

she calls me loyal.

what is loyal?

she said she has a friend who will hate anyone who hurts someone he loves. she loves this about him. he will hate with a vengance anyone who hurts someone he loves. she says he is loyal.

what is loyal?

is loyalty supporting someone no matter what? what if theyre wrong? what then? how do you remain loyal when you know they are wrong? loyalty, therefore, cannot be blindly supporting someone's actions. is loyalty tied to actions at all? no. loyalty is not something that is deserved or earned. not for me at least. people do not earn their loyalty from me. i am loyal to those i love. or at least i try to be.

i will be loyal to you. but that does not mean i will support everything you do?

does this make loyalty conditional? am i mixing up loyalty and love? what is loyalty?


"Loyalty, a prime virtue, is unswerving in allegiance, and implies a faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert, or betray. Loyalty to God is the first commandment. Live what it teaches, to love Honor above all things."

Loyalty. i will not leave you. i will not betray you. you can leave me, you can betray me, you can hurt me. you can say anything you want, to me and about me. and if you come back, i will still be here. i cant promise i won't fear you by then. i cant promise you i havent cried or screamed or walked alone on dark nights to places i dont know. i cant promise you not to be hurt or scared. but i can promise that i will chance you again. second chances, third, fourth, nine hundred and fifty seventh.

i give you my loyalty, but it is beneath a different loyalty. i am loyal to God first.

God is loyal to me.