last night was okay....we watched pulp fiction....fun stuff. as i was walking, alone, back to carter...stupid, far away carter...i stopped. standing there in the middle of the chapel lawn, i looked up at the sky.....the chill of the night and the clarity of the stars made me want to run. run away, run through the woods. not stop...keep going....never stop. how many times have i wanted to do this? how many times will i want to run?
why cant i actually run away? there is nothing stopping me from packing up some things, food, money....and just leaving.
i wish i could stay at covenant over the summer. stay in the apartments....or mac....all summer...work and be with friends. live on my own....i dont want to depend on my parents anymore....ever. i want to make a world on top of this mountain and never have to leave....some people actually succeed in this.
i struggle....how close and supporting can i be to a guy friend before it becomes more than just friends? how close will he allow me to get without feeling like i am trying to....i dont know...seduce him or something? make myself such a staple and a fixture in his life that he will never be able to leave me? will i ever escape this? will i ever be able to say 'no?' ever?
to satiate my wanderlust, i sprinted behind the chapel, through the wildness of the night....but i couldnt continue. i wanted to keep going, through the woods, follow a stream, down the mountain....and then come home. this is home, this is where those i love are living.
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and forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
~kahlil gibran (1883-1931)
lebanese poet, novelist, essayist, and artist
i love that quote!
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