not quite so bitter now
but quite irritable.
im sorry.
i dont feel like i have a reason to be stressed out right now
though i did just start studying for that exam tomorrow morning...
and i did go to the hospital
and im not going to see my family for a while
might have to have surgery
and right now all i want is my daddy to hold me
and my mother to talk to me
but its 3am and i cant call
no one's awake
and im not sleeping
i need someone with big, strong hands to gently work out these knots in my back
not tiny, pinching hands, though it helped a bit.
i dont think ive ever relaxed my back
ever.
why do i always feel like my hands are tied?
what is it thats tying them?
i just want to stretch and let go of the control
drop reins
and get pulled into the strength of the storm
and thunder
i am weary
let me rest
theres so much i need to do
so much
im hungry for God
and i havent made the time
like bending down to pick up a ball
and kicking out of your own reach again.
im frustrated
with myself...always with myself
i dont like myself
in fact i quite hate myself at the moment
and i hate everything that ive done or thought
and i dont know why you read this
to just listen to me rant
about how i hate things
or my pessimistic view of everything
or how horrible of a person i can be
look at me look at me
this is imperfection perfected.
