why?

because i cant stop looking at the application and realizing i cant do it. i dont have the motivation or the drive or the leadership ability. i dont have the creativity or the ability to make people excited about things. because i am selfish and tired. because my heart is still hard, and its all i can do to keep breathing in every day. because if God needs me there, he will put me there with or without an application. because i cannot seem to even see my own problems much less work on them. because i never know what to say. because im not a leader. because im not sure if its where i need to be or because i selfishly want to be looked up to. respected. because it started out as a whim. because i couldnt do it on my own. because i wouldnt inflict that on others. because i just cant. i cant do it.

i know we cant be perfect. i know we dont have to be perfect for God to use us. i just feel like im somehow too imperfect. im not a leader or an administrator. i want to be a counselor. i want to have relationships with my friends, and im not the kind of person who can juggle fifty different friendships. and i wont sacrifice any of you.