when she felt overwhelmed by school, she'd call her parents, begging their permission to come home. it was finals and nursing school gets pretty tough. she'd cry on the phone to them to let her come home and forget all of it. they'd tell her she could...but she had to get through her exams first. if she got through her exams and still wanted to come home, she could. every time, she called them. every time, she made it through exams. every time, she stayed.
now i want to call her. i want her to tell me things to comfort me. she knows exactly what to tell me. she knows.
mom, it's too hard. i'm never going to make it. i'm just going to flunk out. i'm going to fail. i cant do this.
ok, fail.
but i cant!
yes you can. it's okay to fail. God will love you if you fail. we will love you if you fail. and things will go on. you have to trust that God's plan for you is the best plan. even if it means you fail.
i can't fail.
then dont fail. look, just go back and do what you can tonight. then do what you can tomorrow. if you fail, God will take care of you.
and then i feel better, get some work done, and go to sleep...but mom's not awake right now. and if she is, she's at work. so i make up conversations like this to keep me going. it helps a little sometimes.
i miss my mom.
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