i want to curl up in my bed and not move for days. i want to sleep for the rest of my life. i know that God only give us what we can handle...but im so tired of asking for strength. i dont want strength. i want weakness. complete and utter weakness. not the good weakness, the helpless surrender to God. the weakness where you just lie there, unmoving...numb, uncaring. i hate the things that run through my mind. i hate that i hate my friends at times...and for no reason. i am impatient. and i dont want you to forgive me for it. yes, its the easy way out and i dont care. i dont care if im wrong and i dont care if anything else. im tired and blinded right now and liable to take off in any direction. i know what will happen. i dont want it. i dont want it do you hear me? i dont. im tired. im too tired and i wont do it. i dont want strength. im broken. im tired. if i wake up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other, it will be nothing but God. tonight. tonight im giving it up. i dont want anything. its like walking on a glass bridge...i dont know how or why, but thats what it is. walking on a glass bridge, letting go of the railing.
really and truly, we sink when we take our eyes off him.
Lord, fill my vision. be my everything. be my breath and blood. be my eyes and skin. i want to see nothing, Love. nothing but you.
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