INFP...again, the idealist

"Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers."

im tired and i dont want to move

i want to curl up in my bed and not move for days. i want to sleep for the rest of my life. i know that God only give us what we can handle...but im so tired of asking for strength. i dont want strength. i want weakness. complete and utter weakness. not the good weakness, the helpless surrender to God. the weakness where you just lie there, unmoving...numb, uncaring. i hate the things that run through my mind. i hate that i hate my friends at times...and for no reason. i am impatient. and i dont want you to forgive me for it. yes, its the easy way out and i dont care. i dont care if im wrong and i dont care if anything else. im tired and blinded right now and liable to take off in any direction. i know what will happen. i dont want it. i dont want it do you hear me? i dont. im tired. im too tired and i wont do it. i dont want strength. im broken. im tired. if i wake up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other, it will be nothing but God. tonight. tonight im giving it up. i dont want anything. its like walking on a glass bridge...i dont know how or why, but thats what it is. walking on a glass bridge, letting go of the railing.

really and truly, we sink when we take our eyes off him.

Lord, fill my vision. be my everything. be my breath and blood. be my eyes and skin. i want to see nothing, Love. nothing but you.

a pursuit of sin

Come, come, sweet darling
Dance away
Watch the way my arms open to you
And follow where I dance
Chase me, darling
Follow my sprightly step
And away into the woods
Deeper and deeper into the shadows

Don’t I dance so gracefully?
Don’t you want to hold me in your arms?
But I’m just out of reach, my dear
Follow just a little farther

Fingertip grazed fingertip
And energy roused
You’re following faster darling,
And gaining step by step
Your hand slips ‘round my slender waist
And we stumble in the soft grass
And I, sitting there so prettily
With those eyes that haunt your dreams
My eyes are smiling for you my dear.
But not so prettily as its seems

With emerald promises in my eyes
Don’t I look so lovely here?
Sitting just out of reach
Lean in just a little closer, my dear.

I almost have you.