But then i forget them. I forget to be smart enough, creative enough, witty enough
for myself.
my standards.
i'm never what i wanted to be.
but i think i might like who i am... for the most part, at least.
And that's saying a (whole heckuva) lot as i remember looking in the mirror and vowing to never pull back my hair because I looked like a boy. I remember despising every fibre of myself when I stood silently under their hateful, judging eyes. I was such a sad child. Everyone thought I was shy, but I think I was really just sad. and scared of being hated.
Now I can feel it better, like a cold, off-blue wave creeping toward me. Sometimes I can manage to jump as it hits, floating over its surface; keep breathing. other times i can't jump high enough. Most of my childhood was spent drowning... and no one knew; not even me.
