buzzzzzing

there's no way i can sleep right now. i fell asleep for an hour and now that i've decided to go to bed, i can't get back to sleep. i'm just really bothered by what's been happening lately.

i'm just too busy to do everything right now.
here's my list: (in no particular order)
dishes when i can
keep room neatish
fold clothes
get enough sleep
remember to start meds
keep close eye on credit cards for a large purchase i made
come up with budget for wedding
call venue and see if the date can be moved at all w/0 losing $300
call mom to get addresses
mail more support letters
get in touch with jason lehn about support letters and late money
attempt to get in touch with my future mother-in-law (difficult to do when no one picks up the phone) to
explain that i don't hate her
try and get some answers on why there's a problem with the date
explain that i want to work things out for the best for everyone
attempt to get in touch with my family and tell them to try and call his family
make my appointment on friday
begin to acquire and read 60+ resources for my SIP
check due dates to make sure i'm not late on anything
find a wedding coordinator i can afford
make lunch dates with three friends (and somehow keep them w/0 a car)
clean the dishes i make at his house
write and turn in a resume in 2 days
set up meeting with alecia by tomorrow
find the hours for the french lab i'm supposed to do by tomorrow
get invitations made and out in a month
get more info on the job (but from whom?)
finalize a budget limit
search for a reception venue that'll be open, affordable, and w/0 a corking fee
look for an affordable dress online and go dress shopping at a time when someone can go with me
look for affordable bridesmaid dresses
keep my parents updated on wedding plans
keep his parents updated on wedding plans
keep my maid of honor updated on wedding plans
prepare for berlin trip
find time to exercise
spend time with him
resolve the random disputes that tend to crop up in stressful times
help him find a car
schedule surgical procedure
schedule several dentist visits
find a way to have money for a security deposit
find an affordable apartment if the job won't work out
find out if we could have internet at that house
get schoolwork in on time (find some way to plan ahead effectively...something i haven't figured out yet)

and yet, i'm apparently a terrible person because i haven't been able to keep in touch enough and because i haven't been keeping everyone up-to-date on every thought and consideration i've had about the wedding.

there. i'm sure there's a lot more on the list (i've almost completely neglected the specifics of school due dates)...but there it is.

i have a lot to do. i can't do everything. it's not fair for people to blame me for not doing what they think i should be doing. i don't have time for their shoulds, i only have time for whatever i can get done.