i really havent felt like doing anything today. or in a while. i dont want to go to work...it never stops. i dont want to work! i want to just go to class. just class. thats all. there are many things that hurt me...many things that shouldnt. i'm afraid...i shouldnt be. goodnight.

interpretations anyone?

the red hills and white sky were unearthily clear and crisp. the ruins of the house were vivid and the texture of the wood was so intense that you could feel the sharpness of the splinters just by looking at it. it was windy and he was telling me about her. this other person from his past. someone he had loved; who had loved him. fear and insecurity welled up inside me and i wanted to run away. his eyes were distant and i felt small and insignificant. her beauty and wit made me a step down. and i felt it. i lifted my gaze, not to him but to the horizon and stared out over the red hills...alone.

the roots of the big tree were exaggerated, heaving up out of the ground. they were as big around as i was. i climbed over them, looking for the kittens. i had returned to see them and to play with them. something about their innocence that drew me back. but only one of the little balls of fur was left. he was a plain orange tabby. there had been many like him in the litter. he was unwanted, unremarkable; but he didnt know it and played just as happily as any young kitten. then i found the grey tabby. she was older, almost full grown, with vivid dark stripes on grey. she had white on her feet that reached up her stomach and almost touched on her back, but her head and chest were dark grey. her face was angular, almost egyptian, and her eyes were clear and intelligent; so intelligent that when i held her, i half expected her to murmur some secret to me.

an urgent feeling of danger was threading its way through the crew. i could hear it in their voices. their eyes focused and clear displayed the uncertainty and fear they all felt. no one tried to hide it. we were drifting farther and farther out into the black. we were out of fuel and swiftly moving away from the nearest source and out into nothingness. a feeling of helplessness and urgency swept over me. i felt caught. caught in that little rusted ship, mentally clawing around like a wild animal caught in a snare. i could almost feel the wire cutting into the skin of my neck and slowly constricting my breathing. i sat there, staring out the window into the nothingness where we would all spend the rest of our now shortened lives. the realization of our impending fate began to dawn on everyone. soon the power would go, and with it our heat...then the air. all that was left was waiting to see if we all froze to death or if we suffocated.

"freezing...i think freezing would be best" i muttered to the empty cabin. "ive always had a fear of suffocating..."

i feel like im gagged.

but i can take it out any time i want.

but im scared.